Trip to the Dr.

Get this. I call the Dr. to setup an appointment. I said I have tw o things that I want to do. One is get a refill for my Stratera (ADD medication) which I let lapse and the Dr in Ohio won't write me a script unless I come back in. The second topic is that I told her that I need help with depression. I called a couple of different Dr. and they were all too busy and could schedule me some time in the future. So, I got this Dr who after I told them they said, Can you come now? Which I responded with "Sure." So, I rushed over there by using my GPS because I couldn't find this stupid place. (only 3m from work) get up there. And I wait for like 10 minutes or so and had to fill out this form of say 20 or 30 questions for depression. They hid it under my insurance forms so I wouldn't be embarrassed, I guess. So, It takes me 10-15 min to fill this out. Mind you, they said "please rush over." I turn everything in and 5-10 min later they call me into "examination room." So, the nurse took my blood pressure and such (which was pretty good) and asked me "So what brings you to see the Dr. today." And I repeat myself that I have some depression and need to get a refill on my ADD medication. She looked inquisitively at me and asks "Did you get this filled here?" to which I replied. "No. I'm a new patient." Apparently I have another form to fill out to scientifically diagnose if I have ADD. Now, the depression form had, if I remember correctly, 20 or 30 questions. The ADD one... 4. I guess they don't think that ADD people can stay focused enough for a exhaustive diagnostic test. So, after rushing over there, I have spent 30 minutes, taken two diagnostically relevant tests, had my BP checked and the nurse informs me they might not have time to do evaluate both tests. How long does it take to evaluate a 4 question test, I am unsure yet I had plenty of time to consider how these tests would be scored because I wanted another 20 minutes. Apparently there must be something in the way you made your check marks that would indicate your mind's wander-lust. Perhaps they have to measure angles or length of the stem. I could see the length of the stem being very relevant because from the bottom V to the top of the stem, I could lose focus and only mark it half way up. Meanwhile, while I contemplated the various procedures for adding up a 4 question test, the nurse came in 6-8 times. Mind you never once to gather further history or probe deeper into the reasons the tips of my check marks were slightly askew, but rather I must have been in the supply room/examination room. Nothing like raising a depressed person's self-worth by putting him into the room that houses your cotton-balls, band-aids and tongue depressors.

So, the Dr. comes in after about 20 minutes of waiting. And she asks me "So what brings you here today?" I wonder to myself, "Don't you all share notes? Isn't that what the 'Chart' is all about?" Then I figure what what she is doing. Again, I believe its another clever test to see if I can remember what I did 20 minutes and 40 minutes ago. I am not sure that Gregory House could have developed a better solution. She told me that my depression score was "pretty high." Yet she started off with the ADD. I figured that she wanted to start there since a 4 question test should be quick. So, I repeat myself glad that I finally was able to get these little issues taken care of. So, we talked about the ADD first. I told her that I was on Stertera and it was working wonders for me. I explain that I just moved here and my prescription (also known as Rx) had expired. She then told me that several ADD medication were legal narcotics. I waited because I was sure that an important lesson was forthcoming, but I was mistaken. For she followed it up with "but Stertera isn't one of them." Again, a gap in the conversation to which I filled after a few curious seconds with "do you think that I should switch?" I wasn't sure her motive, but I know that Medical degrees are expensive so I wanted to make sure that I got full use out of insurance companies money and my co-pay. Which she responded with "No." in a nonchalant manner. To which she told me "I believe we have some samples." I told her that I appreciate it, but I had a good insurance policy, so save them for someone who really needs them. She said she would return in a moment, and I figured that it was to get the calculation of the 20-30 question depression test. I assumed that if a 4 question ADD questionnaire took that long, then their best computers much has been evaluating my calculating my depression score.

And she came back in and was writing somethings down and a moment later a nurse came in holding a long document written on both sides. This reminded me somewhat of the PF-16 that they made us take when we came to orientation to get a sense of our personalities so that Bud Harmon had a reason to keep his job besides kicking the butts of college freshman. I have to say that I was quite nervous for I was sure that my 20-30 question test and handwriting analysis produced a very precise answer to how best to treat my depression. I was mistaken for this was the drug sheet for Stertera. Which my Dr learned that they produced a 20, 25, 40, 50, 60,70,80 and 100 mG dosage and most people took them twice a day. I said I took 80 once a day. After much convincing, she believed me. This achievement was followed by her motioning for me to follow her while she rummage through another closet to find the samples that I said I didn't really need. Again, my purpose being to get something to help with the depression. We go back into the office where she told me that the depression test takes some time to evaluate so I would have to make a follow-up appointment.

Stunned, I just nodded. She handed me the script and left. I went to the receptionist to whom I say, "The Dr. wanted me to setup another appointment." She said, "would early morning work better? 8:45 on the 1st?" "Lovely" I responded.

So, the night before my appointment, I emailed people at work to let them know that I would be in late for this new diagnostic test would take forever, I was sure. I get up, and leave the house about 8:30 and was in the waiting room around 8:50. Not bad for me. Now, my Dr shares the office space with another practice, but they don't share administrative staff. There are two windows. 1 for the practice and the other
for my dr. Now there is already a small crowd in the office. and they all went to the other window. I was excited for I figured that I would be seen quickly this time. I stood at that window and apparently there is a one-way glass wall that I can see the other drs administrative staff, but they can't see the patients of my Dr For I stood there for what seemed like 3 or 4 minutes, grant it they did have a couple of their own patients to attend. Finally the lighting must have improved for her to see me because she motioned me to come over to her window and asked slightly gruffly if she could help me. I told her that I had an appointment to which she inquired about the purpose of the appointment to which my response was a quieted "depression" that apparently was too quite for she asked me to speak up. After obeying her request, she informed me that my dr wasn't in this morning. I was unsure if she would have been in if a different illness presented itself that morning that perhaps my dr would have been there. Since I wasn't leaving, she stood up and after a few huffs, walk to the hall way and petitioned another, apparently my drs assistant, to come hither for one of "your patients" was at her window.

"I am afraid that it is impossible that we gave you an appointment for today, Sir. The dr. is not in today." was her greeting. My response, while not emily post, was certainly one of frustration and confusion and reiterated that today was the 1st and I had an appointment at 8:45. (by now it was 9am) After several attempts to magically change my mind, she looked up my appointment and indeed it was on the 4th. My mood was frustration. but by the time I went down to the car, I reasoned that it was not unreasonable for me to forget a particular date. So, I figured that I error-ed when I hear it.

That evening, I arrived home and saw that I put the appointment card on my dresser. I felt a little dread as I picked it up for I knew that I must have made a mistake and foolishly forgot the date, but discovered that indeed my card said the 1st at 8:45.

It was a good thing that I wasn't suicidal.

Home Alone again

I'm home alone again.

Its hard when your use to hearing all the voices that sound the place when you have your almost 3yr old daughter, separate spouse and parents. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful and tiring.

Last week, I went to the Dr. and got a subscription for Stratera. I think its helping. My Nurse Practioner said that it has an anti-depressant in it. I hoped that was part of the reason things look a little brighter. But to be honest, it was more seeing Averi's face and hearing her call back when I gave my whistle.

It is sad when they go. I don't do alone very well. Even when I was feeling sufficated by Carrie, at least I wasn't alone.

The hardest part was the last day or so I felt that Averi was more distant. Almost like she knew that she was leaving and putting a wall up between us for protection. I am sure that I am reading into things. But the feelings are there.

Since no one really reads this, its safe to say things or so I think. I asked Barbara if she would be willing to help me out and teach a class for a half day. I understand she is busy. But I felt as if she didn't want to do it because of me. There might be truth to that. I'm never as secure in my evaluations of motive as Dr. House seems to be. I suppose I shouldn't be suprised.

Averi's BDay party for PA is Sunday. I have to decide if I am going up there on Saturday or not. I need to work on her video.

Well, off to bed I go.